The Principle of Attraction

So, I took some time off. I’d been back to the States for the first holiday season in god knows how many years, and, to be honest, I found it difficult to be present with both my business and my family and friends. I chose to be present with family and friends - who knows when I’ll have that luxury again!

But, when I returned again to Bali, I expected all the excitement, energy, and good vibes to come flooding back. And, they didn’t. At least not at first. I realised that, when I took time off, I also stopped thinking of my direction. I literally STOPPED in my tracks, and expected my attention to automatically go back to where it needed to be.

I was a little lost for a few days. And I thought of what had given me that energy before. I’ve never been a spiritual or ‘woo-woo’ person. But I do know that our thoughts and actions and focus guide us. ‘That which we manifest is before us, we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves ” is one of my favourite quotes. It comes from Enzo the Dog in a book called The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein. He’s describing [sounds weird, I know, for a dog to have a voice, but bear with me…] his owner’s experience of driving his race car where his eyes go. If he focuses on the car next to him, he’ll ultimately hit that car.

I know this to be true. When I was in Vietnam, I took a bike tour outside of Hoi An. We traveled through rice paddies on tiny paths, passed rice drying in the sun and uniformed boys racing home from school. The local kids were all very curious and excited to see us, and as I passed a group I boldly went for High Fives. [Cool, huh?] Then I saw the wall, about 30 feet in front of me at the T junction at the end of the road. Oh! There’s a wall! I need to turn to avoid the wall. Huh, the wall is getting closer. I hope I don’t crash into the wall. And, you know what happened. I ran straight into the wall. Now, I could easily have turned. I’d navigated tiny paths all day! But, I didn’t turn. And I smacked into the wall. If I wasn’t cool for the High Fives, certainly this sealed my fate.

Now, I didn’t manifest the wall. But, my thoughts and actions guided me to it. Do I believe in the Law of Attraction? Not entirely. I certainly don’t think that if I just think of having a million dollars in the bank, I’ll wake up one day and find it magically there. But I do believe that our outlook has a direct impact on our success, happiness and well-being.

As Neil Farber writes on Psychology today, it’s better to consider a Principle of Attraction, rather than a Law. “The Principle of Attraction is not magic and is not a universal law. It is a social scientific phenomenon, which implies that you have an active role in this process, your positive attitude, beliefs, and behavior will most likely bring you more of the same.” Scientifically, “Positive people tend to have greater success in their career, higher salaries, better jobs, better relationships, improved health, and more altruism.”

So, I know the energy I had the last time I was in Bali was down to me, my thoughts and focus and outlook. And the same goes for when I’ve felt I’ve lost that energy: it’s down to me.

I know which state I’d rather be in. How about you?

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

Kristen FraneyComment
Get Your Shit Together...?

Today, I read a Facebook post by another coach asking, “To be a great coach, do you agree that you need to have all your shit together?”

Most responses agreed. Yes! You need to have your life sorted, be an expert, in order to coach other people. You can’t be successful if you’ve not got it all figured out.

At first, I agreed when I read it. But then, reality set in. And, No. You don’t have to have all your shit together to be a good coach.

What makes a good coach is empathy and understanding, helping someone else to discover the answers they already have but maybe have a block in their mindset that gets in their way.

Empathy is a key to this. Yes, a coach needs to come from a point of understanding, but do we ever have to have been in the same situation to feel true empathy? Empathy is the ability to go beyond just understanding what another person is feeling. Showing empathy involves feeling things from another person's perspective so that you can fully and truly and deeply feel their feelings, not just understand them.

As a coach, I don’t have to have been in the same situation as my client in order to be empathetic to how they’re feeling.

But, yes, I do have to have lived some life and had some similar experiences in order to truly KNOW what they are going through.

Having your shit together implies that you are done, complete, have it all figured out. In some ways this goes against my coaching ethics. I work with people to help them get beyond their limitations. To achieve their potential and beyond, to exceed their own expectations. If I have all my shit together, this seems to say that I have reached the pinnacle of my potential.

And, I have not.

I was having a conversation with a fellow coach a few weeks ago, and she was hesitant to start promoting her website. I think she’d told me and her parents about it, because she was worried she wasn’t enough of an expert as there are things in her life she’s still figuring out. I’d come across exactly this feeling when I started - and still know that I am a damn good coach without being an expert! - and sent her some information I’d found helpful. I titled my email, You don’t have to have all your shit together. :-)

Daily, I continue to grow, to see things from new perspectives, to learn from what went well [or didn’t] and to do better every day. Don’t get me wrong; I have figured out a lot of stuff. I’ve learned to not always be so hard on myself, that introspection and taking action are key, and that I don’t need so many things. I’ve learned that I like red wine, and that I love to travel on my own, and that I don’t need to do everything by myself, that it’s OK to say I need help.

If I’ve figured everything out, I stop growing. I’m not ready or prepared for that, so I am proud to say, I don’t have all my shit together.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

A Listicle. Or, 9 things I am grateful for.

This week, we celebrated Thanksgiving in the States. Traditionally, families come together, eat too much food, and share what they’re thankful or grateful for with each other. Gratitude has been at the forefront of what I’ve been thinking about. It’s unavoidable! But, why do so many of us need a major holiday to remind us of what we’re grateful for?

I’ve got to admit, I’ve not always taken time to think of what I’m grateful for. I mean I am grateful for the life I have, but there have been times where I haven’t practiced gratitude. It’s more natural for me to think of what could be better, rather than all the amazing things I have or experience. So, I’m making a mental shift - toward gratitude.

I read another listicle. Actually, there are a lot of listicles about gratitude. 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude. The 31 Benefits of Gratitude. 6 Ways Gratitude Rewires Your Brain. 10 Benefits of Gratitude. To be fair, I have no idea how many actual real life benefits there are [can we really measure it that specifically?] but there seems to be a lot of benefits.

9 things I am grateful for:

  1. My job finishing earlier than I expected. Who would be happy to lose their job?!? ME! It gave me the push I needed to step out of my comfort zone and start this journey to help others get unstuck.

  2. Sunsets. I haven’t met a sunset I don’t like. I’m grateful I have the opportunity to sip coconuts and watch the sun set almost every day while I’m in Bali. It recharges me.

  3. An amazingly supportive family. I’m not sure they all fully understand what it is that I do, or why I would want to spend time half way around the world. But they know that it makes me happy and they have been supportive every step of the way.

  4. I’m grateful my sister-in-law loaned me boots to wear in New York [my clothes are still being shipped from Malaysia, including pretty much all my shoes that are not flip flops!] Oh, and she let me borrow an umbrella. She’s the best!

  5. I’m grateful for the inspiring women I’ve met, especially in Bali. Many of my friends there are also on entrepreneurial journeys, and we challenge and hold each other accountable, sharing resources and general awesomeness.

  6. Warm pyjamas on cold winter nights.

  7. Long-lost friends and new friends.

  8. Nieces and nephews, especially when they’re not crying.

  9. A glass of good red wine, especially after babysitting the nieces and nephews.

What I do know, from my experience of 2 weeks of practicing gratitude, is that I feel less stressed when something goes ‘awry’ as there’s also a positive somewhere in the same situation that I can be grateful for. We forgot the corn at Thanksgiving dinner? No worries, I’m grateful we didn’t have too much food that was wasted and didn’t over eat [that much…] I feel a little more energised. I’m not going to sleep thinking of all the stuff I need to get done, or what I didn’t achieve. Instead, I’m happily drifting off thinking of all the positive things that happened in the day, like my feet stayed dry thanks to Claire’s boots. So, I’m going to keep at it, and continue to practice gratitude. Every day.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

The Short One

This week, I left Bali to go home to the States. I have been filled with a crazy mix of emotions: excitement to see my family, especially for the holidays; dread of cold weather; frustration that my stuff that is being shipped from Malaysia [including all my winter clothes except one pair of jeans and 2 sweaters] is still on a boat; a little sadness at saying goodbye to friends I’ve made in Bali that I may not see again; fear that my routine would be disrupted and I’d lose all productivity.

I realised this one was actually holding me back for quite some time. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve had a growing to-do list, but lacked the motivation to get started on achieving any of it. And I realised about 10 days into November that I hadn’t even determined my November goals. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to continue growing my brand, that I stopped growing myself. Leaving Bali felt like an end, and I found it difficult to get started on new things.

I was sinking back into my old ways. I’ve been busy, but not productive, feeling as if I should be ‘working’ rather than enjoying connecting with new people and growing my business.  I was so worried about not being resilient, that I wasn’t resilient.  With the help of my coach, I realized it was my own headspace that was keeping me from getting shit done.

I’ve read articles and listened to podcasts and read some more.  I’ve Googled and searched and did I mention I read shit?  I’ve been busy!  But I haven’t gotten much done.  I can, however, recommend a podcast that helped me come to my senses. It had been open in my browser for about a week, and I kept putting it off because I was so … busy. Amy Porterfield’s podcast with Brooke Castillo was perfect this week. If only I’d listened last week instead!

Last week, I wrote about FEAR, and overcoming fears and the freedom that comes along with it.  And so many of my friends have posted about their fears and embracing or overcoming them in the past week, that I know how I’m feeling isn’t uncommon or weird or abnormal.  But thinking about it any longer isn’t going to help me or anyone else.

So, this week’s post is short.  Because I’m off to get shit done.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

Listen to Amy Porterfield and Brooke Castillo here: https://www.amyporterfield.com/2018/06/217/

F.E.A.R.

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.

A couple of years ago i decided to skydive on Leap Day. I figured, we were given an extra day and I wanted to do something crazy and make the most out of it! I should tell you I don’t like small craft. Small boats? Don’t like ‘em! Small planes? I like them even less. Yet, here I was, making a conscious decision to launch myself out of one. At least I’d be getting out!

The day of the jump was cloudy - in Dubai, where it’s never cloudy. I waited and waited until finally, blue skies, and my name was called over the loud speaker. My safety briefing consisted of crazy Rob with the crazier red hair telling me, Just remember: Banana, knees together, legs up. And a few minutes later I was walking toward the smallest plane I’d ever been in.

I sat next to Rob, and he checked that my seat belt was securely fastened, and chatted endlessly to keep me distracted from the fact I was about to jump. About halfway up, they opened the door. Holy shit! I’ve never been in a plane with the door open! On a bench seat. Rob then unfastened my seat belt. What the actual fuck? I was on a bench heat, with no seat belt, and an open door a few feet away. Don’t worry, Rob said. You’re clipped into me now. Oh, great. That’s reassuring. And then I came un-clipped. Rob? Rob? ROB?!? I’M NOT CLIPPED! I imagined being sucked out. Because what else would you think? And then, Rob clipped back in and we were ready to jump.

In fairness, I was ready to get out of the blasted plane. But I was not really ready for the moment of stepping to the edge. And seeing everything so tiny down below. Fuck, we were high!

And then we went. I’m not sure I actually jumped myself, or how much of it was Rob. But I was jumping. And swearing. A lot. i have never said Fuck so many times in a row. Or so loud. Or with so many word combos. I made shit up. Loudly. Damn, girl! What would your mother say if she could hear you? She’d be even more creative, I assured him.

And then, I settled a bit and it was magical. Will Smith describes it as Bliss. And he’s right. And the lesson he has taken? All the best things in life are on the other side of fear. And, again, he’s right.

For so long in my life I was frozen by fear. Afraid to make a change, afraid to walk into new places by myself, afraid, afraid, afraid. I put on a brave face, but behind it was overriding fear in so many situations.

When my job finished, the fear was immense, but conflicting. On one hand, was fear of going back to doing the same thing I had done for 20+ years, in a new unknown company. What if it wasn’t any better or more secure? And on the other hand, what if I fail at starting my own business? Fear. I was literally crippled and unable to make any decision because I was afraid of both outcomes.

And then I asked myself, what’s the worst that can happen?

Since then, I’ve been working on facing my fears. And appreciating that fear in itself isn’t bad. It’s indecision, inactivity, failing to take action, failing to face my fears that is bad.

F.E.A.R by Ian Brown is on playing on repeat. I’m using it as a reminder to reframe my fears. Fear can also be:

Fantastic Expectations Amazing Revelations

Finding Everything And Realising

Fear challenges us to grow. Who would have thought that the Fresh Prince would turn out to be so wise. Because, as he says, fear tells us lies. It leads us to believe we can’t or we’ll fail. Instead, I’m reminding myself that the best things in life are on the other side of fear.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

If you haven’t yet, check out Will Smith on Fear here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTBCQ2MnRM

And listen to Ian Brown here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f8wAXDZ9D0

The One With The Broken Laptop

After feeling a little under the weather last week, I was excited to get started and get shit done this week.

Until my laptop’s hard drive died. I tried everything. I channeled my inner IT department and switched it off and then back on. I entered the BIOS. I don’t even know what that is, but I did it, at once pretty proud and also terrified I’d somehow mess something up even more. I met a friend for lunch and co-working and hoped that his IT skills would magically communicate through the ether to my laptop and it would suddenly work. I looked into shipping it to Jakarta - too risky and too long! I rode on the back of a motorbike for an hour looking for a laptop shop that was open, passing what felt like 350 mobile phone shops and 2 laptop shops, both closed.

In the past I would have had mounting frustration and anger and annoyance and all sorts of negative thoughts. This experience was different. I was action oriented - let’s find a solution! What’s the worst that can happen? And, this, while my laptop has possibly never been more important to me as I expand my business. The worst, I was out of pocket and partly out of action for a couple of days.

When my driver and I finally found the computer market in Denpasar, I was hopeful that all I needed was a new cable. When the technician opened my laptop, we discovered I have some newfangled type of hard drive that doesn’t have a cable. While the tech guy trundled off to the neighboring shop to see if he could recover anything from the hard drive, I was optimistic he would return with a giant yes, there’s nothing wrong with your hard drive, and plug it back in so that my laptop magically restarted. Nope. Instead, he said, We tried a few times, and we can’t read anything on the hard drive. Can you say that again in some way that means I haven’t lost all my work, I asked him? He laughed.

So, I found myself in the middle of busy Denpasar with 2 hours to kill while he installed a new hard drive and all the software I needed. I know my old self would have been annoyed, frustrated and angry. Why meeee???? Seriously???? I mean, what the fuck? All my shit is gone???

Not this time.

I went to a little shop to buy water, and had a lovely conversation with the little old couple running it. They were excited to see a buleh, a foreigner. They complimented me on my Bahasa Indonesia. Sedikit, I said. I speak it a little only. I went to the Art Gallery and Restaurant up the road, which I learned is only a restaurant now. Rather than be annoyed at the false advertising [I mean, the art gallery sign was HUGE!] I ordered a beautiful cold beer. And was something of a novelty to all the staff as a foreigner.

My driver waited for me, and let me know that my laptop was ready an hour earlier than expected. So, I hurried back for the privilege of paying a small fortune for the repair. And, I thought, It’ll be like getting a brand new laptop. And I’ll be able to do my work all over again! Yay! A little I was frustrated. But mostly, I recognise that I have been on such a journey and grown so much over the last few months, that the work I produce now will be of much better quality and detail, and more aligned to my values and just cause. I am genuinely excited to work on it all again! Mental!

Riding home on the back of the scooter, I had a crazy sense of calm and appreciation. I am so in love with the place I live in it’s unreal. I mean, my driver was genuinely concerned with making sure we got my laptop fixed once he knew it was totally kaput. Yes, he was going to make money from taking me around, but he could easily have dropped me at a shady place, rather than driving me for another 30 minutes to make sure we got to a reputable shop and then waiting to take me home. Yes, the traffic was crazy. So many motorbikes! But, somehow it all just works like a ballet, kids smile and wave at the buleh on the bike.

And then I had an article pop into my inbox - If You Want To Achieve Long-Term Happiness, Embrace The Growth Mindset. Old Kristen? Fixed mindset. New Kristen has moved into Growth Mindset. Although if you had asked old Kristen, she would have argued that she had a growth mindset. ‘Happiness doesn’t come from achieving a goal; it comes from the act of making progress towards a goal. In other words, happiness is a function of personal growth.’ Long term happiness doesn’t just magically happen. It’s a by-product of how we approach and handle each and every situation that arises.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at info@YourCompassWithin.co to book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

Spinning Plates

Last week, I launched my website. I was uber excited! The launch came after many weeks of frustration, joy, personal introspection, and lots of learning [I now have terms like DNS servers and GDPR compliant cookie protocol in my regular vocabulary!]

In the past, when I met a challenge, my natural inclination was to give up, to step aside and move onto something else. If I couldn’t be the best at something, I didn’t want to do it at all. Gymnastics? I was pretty good, but couldn’t do handsprings so moved on. Swimming? I was pretty good, but early starts were too much of an obstacle. And, this wasn’t reserved only for sport.

So, designing my own website and launching it was a massive challenge for me. In the past, I was able to call one of the IT guys with any of my myriad questions relating to anything IT. Setting up my brand and my business, I don’t have an IT department to call. I am the IT department, and this is a scary idea!

So, when my website was launched and I had amazingly positive reaction, I excitedly thought, Nailed it! And moved on to thinking about the the next best thing to do!

Boy, do I have a list of ideas! My diary was quickly filled with tons of things to do: course creation, more and new market research, beta tests, starting a new course, new IT systems to learn, and on and on. Remember those guys that spun the plates on top of long poles, getting each one going to the right speed before moving onto getting another started and in between checking to make sure none that were already spinning were about to go out of control till they had bunches of plates spinning?

I barely had one plate going.

And I had overwhelm.

I quickly realised, though, that just because my website was launched, didn’t mean I had achieved success in one area and that I could move my focus on to something else. I’ve been launched for 1 week. I still need to focus my energy and attention on building this exciting aspect of my business, before I can move on to the next. I need to get one friggin’ plate going before I move to the next.

I’m not the best at it. Yet. I’m still learning and building my craft, as well as figuring out social media marketing and all those other things that come along with setting up a new business.

So, I refocused. I went back to my October objectives, and realigned them to my original mission: Build my business as a bad-ass coach helping other people get unstuck and live a life they love.

I found a resilience that has not always been easy for me to come by.

But, it’s like cooking: somethings take more time to marinate or stew, and not everything can be on high heat all the time. A little simmering on the back burner is fine, as long as your attention is where it should be to get each element right.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at info@YourCompassWithin.co to book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

Kristen Unplugged, Volume 2

So, my digital detox officially finished about 2 weeks ago, and unofficially finished last week, when I reinstalled the apps on my phone.  Since then, I've been thinking of how the detox has affected me, and what 'detoxing' means to me.

Although I have installed the apps again, I am now in control of the time I spend looking at Facebook or Instagram.  To put things into perspective, I used to easily spend an hour or two each morning, mindlessly scrolling through.  Checking Facebook was my go-to activity - at the table when my friends got up, smoking a cigarette with my morning coffee, on the beach as soon as I heard a notification ping in.  I felt connected to my family and friends back home, as if I wasn't really missing anything.

I now spend maybe 10 or 15 minutes a day, and only checking the specific things I am looking for.  I'd like to think that people have missed my FB presence, but I know this isn't the case.  And deep down, I realise I actually prefer it that way - people are living their own lives.

When it's quiet or I'm alone, I walk to the beach and actually watch the sunset, paying attention to the changes and the colours of the sky.  When a friend leaves the table, I watch the farmers in the rice paddies, manipulating their complex system of strings tied to tin sheets and glass bottles used to scare the birds away.  And, I no longer feel the need to reach for a cigarette with my morning coffee.  Instead, I plan my route to the beach and where I'll walk.

I've also become much more aware of how people use FB and Instagram, and how ubiquitous they have become in our daily lives.  I hear people mention they are going to the most Instagrammable spots in Bali, or watch them queue up to replicate Instagram pics that have attracted the most likes.  I can't help but think there is something being missed here.  

When I was in Cambodia, during my dream trip to Angkor Wat, my tour guide kept positioning me for the 'best photos' and I would queue with all the other tourists to make sure I had the identical photo on my phone.  After shuffling along with hundreds of others in the sweltering heat, I asked my guide to take me to a less crowded temple.  He was confused.  Didn't I want to see the next most popular one?  No, I said, I want to appreciate the beauty and discover an uncrowded gem, the essence of what made the discovery of Angkor Wat so unique.  

Eventually we made our way to a temple with about 4 tourists, and I was one of them.  I spent the rest of my day in quiet contemplation, took my time to see the detail and appreciate the carvings, walk the same paths that countless others had thousands of years ago.  I experienced Angkor Wat; I didn't photograph it.  I didn't filter and edit my photos, hoping for more likes than ever before.  And I felt more connected to that nearly forgotten temple with a name I can't remember, than the ones made popular in tour books and movies starring Angelina Jolie.

And, it's that joy and wonder that I am finding time for in my day to day life, now that I am no longer reliant on social media.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at info@YourCompassWithin.co to book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

Kristen Unplugged, Volume 1

Last week, I started a social media detox.  I'd been feeling a bit dull, distracted, less than productive, and I realised I'd go hours scrolling through the latest on my feeds whenever a notification pinged in.

Each morning, I wanted to walk on the beach, and instead would sit with a coffee, and say to myself, I'll go in a minute, Let me just check Facebook.  An hour would go by, and I'd rationalise that it was too late for a walk and head to a café to do some work, telling myself I'd get up an hour earlier the next day.

Of course, I didn't get up an hour earlier.  Ever.

How many times have you found yourself in a similar situation?  You want to clean out the fridge [well, in fairness that's not very fun, but it's important!] and instead you find yourself watching cat videos sent by your Aunt Gertrude?

That same week I had a conversation with a friend about distractions and reduced attention spans.  I sometimes find it difficult to sit through an hour long television show, or read a full length article in a newspaper, easily getting distracted by a notification, or something else on the screen, or something I forgot to Google earlier in the day.  I've always been an avid book reader, and I'd never ever put down a book without finishing it, no matter how much I disliked it.  Now I've got 3 books I've started within the past few months and not finished.

According to a study conducted by Microsoft, multi-tasking and social media have reduced our attention span so dramatically, that it is apparently worse than a goldfish.  When the 'mobile age' began around 2000, our attention span was a whopping 12 seconds.  By 2013 [5years ago!] it had dropped to 8 seconds.  The attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds.  Let that sink in.  

I decided to step away from social media for a few days and see what happened.  My friend and I agreed Tuesday - Thursday, a massive 3 days! I notified friends and family, with cute pictures I found on the internet that I would be on a Digital Detox. I posted on FB and Insta, as how else would I communicate such ground breaking news?

And then I deleted the apps.  

And sat anticipating my boredom and anxiety at being distanced from EVERYONE and EVERYTHING!!! 

And, ya know what happened?  Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday flew by.  

I got shit done, I went to the beach, I talked to people.   

I didn't even realise that my detox was about to end.  And then on Friday morning, I decided  to carry on.  

It's been a week, and I'm not at all anxious about what I've 'missed.'  

And my brother actually reached out to me, sending me a message to check in on what's going on.  He asked me questions, instead of the other way around.  Since I'd not put any updates of any sort on social media, we were forced to have a one to one conversation if he wanted to know his favourite sister is doing well.  I can't remember the last time he reached out to me.  

Going forward, I've decided to take control of my social media use, instead of letting it control me.  I'm reinstalling the apps, and setting specific days and times to look at what I find important, rather than relying on my feed to tell me what it thinks I want to know.  I'll send actual birthday messages to my friends and family, not post a generic Happy Birthday message on their walls.  

I'll finish my books, be more connected to the here and now, and get even more shit done.

Imagine what you can do when you disconnect and unplug!  When will you digital detox?

Makasih. 



Grit. True Grit.

So, I've set out on my entrepreneurial journey, and let me tell you, it's all about grit. Actually, it's about a lot of other shit, too, but we'll get there in a bit.

Research. It's about research, too. Reading, connecting, building a network, learning.

When I set out on this journey, I thought, Aha! Coaching! I'm fucking ACE at coaching! It's what I do, it's what I love, it's what kept me in corporate retail for over 25 years. An easily transferable skill! I just need to learn the language of one-to-one coaching and the intricacies outside the corporate setting, and Bob's your uncle, I'm good to go.

Today, I find myself navigating a minefield to become an expert marketer, social media manager, accountant, writer, photo editor, tax expert, course creator, international banker, web designer, copy editor... the list is endless. All while finding time to do what I love, which is help people discover their best selves by connecting in a genuine way.

No word of a lie, it's exhausting. And I love it.

Tonight, I came across an article. Actually, it's a listicle. No, I did not make that word up. Yes, it's a real thing. Who the fuck knew? [They're the articles that say, 5 ways to make your life better than you knew it could be!!! With slick headlines, followed by some words or something that give you all the details. Sometimes, we read what they actually say. Most of the time we read the headlines, and decide if it's worth our time. Most of the time, we don't go further than the headlines. It's an article! It's a list! Ah, the listicle.]

Today's is about: The 4 Cognitive Biases Entrepreneurs Should Avoid. Yay! I'm a few months in and it's telling me that more than half of all startups fail! Whoop whoop! This on a day when I've been mired in payment options, course creation, and finding someone to finish my blasted website.

Here are the headlines, followed by my translations, after a few months in.

1. Optimism Bias "That Won't Happen To Me." FFS. Let me tell you, it will. You'll need to dig deep to get whatever it is you're doing even launched. It happened to lots of other people. Expect that it will happen to you. Also, expect that shit will happen and come up that you never even knew existed! You'll hear about a great new app or service that will make your life so much easier, except you can't sign up for it, or it doesn't apply to you and so, you go back to the drawing board.

2. Planning Fallacy "I can probably do this faster than the average person." No fucking chance. Maybe, you will have a skill or some knowledge about one of the myriad things that are now thrown your way. Most likely, you will never have expected that something seemingly simple will take so...fucking...long.

Let's build a website! Great! There's ads on FB and comments and even ads on TV for what is the best. So you look into it, and then you talk to someone who mentions something so you look again and you realise you need to figure out what works best for you. One is great at SEO! Perfect! Except no one knows me and is unlikely to find me before page 4862 on Google anyway. Another is really easy to use! Hurrah! But is limited in what you can add in future once you've set up and you know your brand / venture is going to be AMAZING! and will need more capability in the future. And its SEO sucks; and when you have reached the AMAZING! heights you know you're capable of, this just won't cut it. So, option 3 is in the middle for both these things - user friendly [I'm not sure what user they're talking about because it certainly ain't me, but this is what the reviews say]. You will discover that when you finally figure out how to do something 'on your own' without constant toggling between user guides or YouTube videos, that you undo 2 weeks of work and then you have no clue how to fix it. You will then think, I need an intern. 25 years in retail, I can fucking delegate.

3. Cost Fallacy "I've already come this far." I think the rest of this says something to the effect of, ...So I may as well keep going on this path since I've invested so much. But, this is a listicle so why read everything? Who has time for that shit? All I can say, is I think maybe don't do this. Entrepreneurship is a learning journey. Take what you've learned and cut your losses. What you've done so far is valuable and if you discover a new opportunity that you know is stronger than the first, don't be stubborn. On the other hand, grit is where it's at, so don't quit too soon. At least, not until you've managed to get some shit done. Clear?

4. Confirmation Bias "All signs point to YES!" Trust me, they don't. Unless you've produced your own signs, and then fair play to you for finding your niche market. All signs point to, someone else has done this before [and they're probably the people you are following in your newly researched FB group], so you really need to find your USP [again, trust me... it's a thing... Unique Selling Proposition] that sets you apart from everyone else. All signs point to, This has been done before.

The trick is being badass, having grit, and knowing the world will be vexing. Some days, it all comes together, and some days you realise it's trickier than you thought.