Posts tagged fear
Do The Thing.

Ok, so I did another Thing. This Thing has been bugging me for a while, and I decided I needed to take my own advice and JFDI.

You see, when I stopped working, I started gaining weight. It was pretty slow at first, and this made sense since I was so much less active. My job had required me to travel just about every other week - and this often meant mad dashes through the airport in Kuala Lumpur, which is surprisingly long, no matter which terminal you are in. It also required a lot of time on my feet, walking through malls. [This was often at pace because my flights were delayed and I had 2 more stores to get to that day, or I was pacing as I took another stressful call that lasted for what seemed forever from my boss.] When I stopped working, I still walked places, but the stress was gone, the pacing was gone, and I had a lot of time to get where I needed to be.

Then I went home to the States for Christmas. And ate all the cheese. I'd be surprised if I didn't create a shortage. You can blame me if your local food store is out of your favourite aged farmhouse cheddar; I probably ate it.

And I got back to Bali and nothing fit. Even my 'comfy' shorts that were actually a little too big. No chance of buttoning them.

So, I decided I would do something about it. I walked on the beach every morning. It's hot in Bali, though, so it was just as easy to find an excuse NOT to go as it was to go. I settled into a routine, and walked on the beach about 4 times in 2 weeks, telling myself I was on the right path.

Even though I knew I wasn't. I was telling myself a story to make me feel less bad, but I wasn't doing anything about The Thing: the exercise with conviction.

So, I reached out through one of my girls' groups [they're the best!] and got a recommendation for a personal trainer. Rather than think about it and wonder if I should really do this, I just did it. I sent a message. We met the next morning for coffee and talked for about an hour and a half, and I hired him. What I know is that I need some accountability, at least until I'm started. So, why hadn't I just done it before? I did exactly what I talked about last week. I worked out all the worst case scenarios: I wouldn't like him; he'd push me too hard; it wouldn't be fun; I'd have to get up too early in the morning... Heard any of these before?

I hadn't asked myself what could be the BEST thing that could happen. [Let's not get ahead of ourselves, here... The BEST thing would be magically getting healthy overnight, but we all know that's not realistic.] What happened instead? He's fab and we get along well; he's pushing me, but within limits and not too much; I laughed all the way through my workout; he's not a morning person either! 9:15 AM starts with the instructions to not set an alarm? BINGO! Best trainer in the world!

After today's session, we walked along the beach back to my street and went for coffee. Did I mention he's the best trainer in the world? Coffee!

It was there, sipping our coffees that he asked me an interesting question: What do I think is the link between deciding not to take action and fear? I know that fear has a major impact on our lives. But, consider this: Fear impacts our indecision more significantly than our decisions to not act.

It's the fear of all the possible worst case scenarios that keep us from making any decision, leaving us in a state of indecision. Rather than decide, we take no decision and no action. We find ourselves stuck and hoping for something to change, rather than taking action to make the changes we so desperately need.

We relinquish control.

Deciding to take action means that we are taking back that control of our lives, even if it's just one small step to start with. [Like me searching a group on Facebook for recommendations.] It means that we have already recognised our fears, and are making a conscious decision to face them head on and make an educated decision about how we want to move forward, rather than letting our lives control us through indecision.

Fear impacts our indecision more than it impacts our actions. Once we can recognise what we may be afraid of, making a decision and subsequently taking action is the next logical step.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45-minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

The One Where I Felt Stuck

I’ve written about FEAR before. And, I say capital FEAR, because it was largely about overcoming or facing our big FEARs in life. Once you realise that all the best things in life are on the other side of FEAR, it’s easier to act.

But, that doesn’t mean we don’t still face lowercase fear each and every day. This can show up as not taking action, not making decisions. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and safe means doing things that are comfortable, easy, and don’t require any challenge. The problem with this is that we get stuck on autopilot, and get stuck in our routines and habits. It also means, that, sometimes, even if we know we need to do The Thing, we don’t do The Thing.

And then we get into a cycle of frustration, knowing we want The Thing, and annoyed with ourselves for not doing anything about it.

My recent Thing has been email automation. I’ve known I need to get this sorted for months. This isn’t a big Thing, but I made it big because I couldn’t figure it out. I’m no means technically minded. I am teaching myself and have learned lots, but I am not an expert. So, I’ve researched and researched and read and read, and everyone says programs like MailChimp are easy. Let me tell you, MailChimp is not my friend. The more I tried to get started, the more confused I got. And the more this whole project seemed to be a daunting and intimidating task. So, I didn’t do anything about it. Except continue to worry and stress that I didn’t have it done.

Sound familiar?

The longer I stewed over it, the bigger it became and the more afraid I was. I was afraid I’d get it wrong, that my email wouldn’t be good enough and that I’d send some crazy email to the wrong person.

Until I decided to JFDI: Just Fucking Do It. Rather than continue to stew and stress, I figured out a way to get it done. I reached out for help and got the answers I needed. It wasn’t so scary after all. But I had built the fear up to be monumental and so hadn't done anything at all. Taking that first step felt awesome! A weight was lifted and I immediately felt more in control.

Taking action isn't usually the scary part - it's the fear of what happens when we do something new. And usually, we've built up all sorts of worst case scenarios in our heads while we're thinking about it. This leaves us paralysed, stuck.

In my case, I thought the worst thing that could happen was that I wouldn't get my email right, it wouldn't be perfect on my first try. In reality, the worst thing that was happening was that I wasn't doing anything to reach people and share my message.

So, what happens when we ask ourselves instead, What's the BEST thing that will happen when [not if] I do this? And, then, Just Fucking Do It.

What happens is this: We change the negative habit loop in our brains and start seeing results. Once we act, and take that first step, no matter how small, we feel better. And that propels us to take the next action, and the next. We create a positive habit loop, and momentum propels us to continue taking action.

Mel Robbins explains it like this when talking about the 5 Second Rule:

"And, the more action that you take, the better your life will become. This is a concept in psychology called “Do Good, Be Good.” It actually dates back to Aristotle. It’s the idea that you can’t just think yourself to change. You need to actually take action."

What is The Thing for you? Ask yourself what is the best thing that can happen when you do it. And, Just Fucking Do It.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

F.E.A.R.

Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down.

A couple of years ago i decided to skydive on Leap Day. I figured, we were given an extra day and I wanted to do something crazy and make the most out of it! I should tell you I don’t like small craft. Small boats? Don’t like ‘em! Small planes? I like them even less. Yet, here I was, making a conscious decision to launch myself out of one. At least I’d be getting out!

The day of the jump was cloudy - in Dubai, where it’s never cloudy. I waited and waited until finally, blue skies, and my name was called over the loud speaker. My safety briefing consisted of crazy Rob with the crazier red hair telling me, Just remember: Banana, knees together, legs up. And a few minutes later I was walking toward the smallest plane I’d ever been in.

I sat next to Rob, and he checked that my seat belt was securely fastened, and chatted endlessly to keep me distracted from the fact I was about to jump. About halfway up, they opened the door. Holy shit! I’ve never been in a plane with the door open! On a bench seat. Rob then unfastened my seat belt. What the actual fuck? I was on a bench heat, with no seat belt, and an open door a few feet away. Don’t worry, Rob said. You’re clipped into me now. Oh, great. That’s reassuring. And then I came un-clipped. Rob? Rob? ROB?!? I’M NOT CLIPPED! I imagined being sucked out. Because what else would you think? And then, Rob clipped back in and we were ready to jump.

In fairness, I was ready to get out of the blasted plane. But I was not really ready for the moment of stepping to the edge. And seeing everything so tiny down below. Fuck, we were high!

And then we went. I’m not sure I actually jumped myself, or how much of it was Rob. But I was jumping. And swearing. A lot. i have never said Fuck so many times in a row. Or so loud. Or with so many word combos. I made shit up. Loudly. Damn, girl! What would your mother say if she could hear you? She’d be even more creative, I assured him.

And then, I settled a bit and it was magical. Will Smith describes it as Bliss. And he’s right. And the lesson he has taken? All the best things in life are on the other side of fear. And, again, he’s right.

For so long in my life I was frozen by fear. Afraid to make a change, afraid to walk into new places by myself, afraid, afraid, afraid. I put on a brave face, but behind it was overriding fear in so many situations.

When my job finished, the fear was immense, but conflicting. On one hand, was fear of going back to doing the same thing I had done for 20+ years, in a new unknown company. What if it wasn’t any better or more secure? And on the other hand, what if I fail at starting my own business? Fear. I was literally crippled and unable to make any decision because I was afraid of both outcomes.

And then I asked myself, what’s the worst that can happen?

Since then, I’ve been working on facing my fears. And appreciating that fear in itself isn’t bad. It’s indecision, inactivity, failing to take action, failing to face my fears that is bad.

F.E.A.R by Ian Brown is on playing on repeat. I’m using it as a reminder to reframe my fears. Fear can also be:

Fantastic Expectations Amazing Revelations

Finding Everything And Realising

Fear challenges us to grow. Who would have thought that the Fresh Prince would turn out to be so wise. Because, as he says, fear tells us lies. It leads us to believe we can’t or we’ll fail. Instead, I’m reminding myself that the best things in life are on the other side of fear.

Are you ready to take the next step and design the life you want? Get in touch with me at https://www.yourcompasswithin.co/get-in-touch/ and book a 45 minute complimentary connection call, or visit my website to see what I can do for you and to hear more of my story. www.YourCompassWithin.co

If you haven’t yet, check out Will Smith on Fear here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsTBCQ2MnRM

And listen to Ian Brown here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f8wAXDZ9D0